RJ-45

I know I may have "borrowed" an idea from my milk toof. I love the thought of my job allowing me to create something geeky and fun. Try this:



RJ-45 is helping set up the servers.

The phones are up. RJ-45 needs to make a call.


This programming stuff is hard.


RJ-45 can plug the fiber in and get a green light.


RJ-45 needs to clean off the dirty gear.


RJ-45 found a huge casing and fell in. Oh dear.

Just the One

Rift

Jesse, honey. The world is splitting in two.
Apocalypse is impending, doom is here.
The rift is immense and you're holding true.
Meteors and nuclear smoke in the atmosphere.
Can you see the difference in this choice?
Tidal waves, Sears Tower high, are crashing.
Chaos has us all running and I want to hear your voice.
Can't call you, EMP sent planes smashing.
Dodge the old man's ford on fire.
Spin free and houdini from the anchor.
I couldn't be in the places that you require.
I lost long before in a parallel to euchre.
You're on the other side of this rift that's splitting.
I'm crying out for a change in this fucking world.
The realization dawns: I have no influence to our parting.
I guess at the end everything is unfurled.

-Jimmy

11/23/2009

Fuck it, let's get drunk and go snowboarding.

My Fucked Up World of Existence

Pron: I like to call it pr0n, but that would be the l33t in me coming out. Where the fuck did mouth fucking start becoming popular? I never really like watching blowjob porn. But it was always out there. But now?? Now there is this concept where shoving your cock as far into a girl's throat is awesome. 1. Gagging sound plus squelch from saliva? Not hot. 2. Rape of the mouth is not cool by me. I think I'll stick with my primary of only women in porn and stay away from the things with guys in them.

Blowjobs: While I'm on the topic, I'm sure there is plenty of girls out there who pride themselves on sucking a mean dick. Some fatty who tries to stuff it down like her afternoon snack. Again, not so much. I'll take a little foreplay in the nether-regions. It feels good. I would definitely prefer a real blowie to a deepthroat. Yet I am stuck at the fact that I would rather wait until I could have sex.

Cracked: I've been reading this site lately and it is pretty funny. Very comparable to The Onion, or something to that nature. Where ever cracked came up with this article is beyond me. If anyone has ever read such things in a cosmo mag and thought it was a good idea to be rough on a guy in such manners has the wrong idea. I agree with cracked and while I can take a little firmness, rough is never what I want when testes are on the line.

One of my top rated albums: Jimmy Eat World - Bleed American.

Song of the Moment: What Sarah Said - Death Cab for Cutie.

Speaking of Music: I downloaded the latest Weezer album, Ratitude. I think I'll stick with Maladroit as my all-time favorite of theirs. Yes there are songs on each album I like, but Maladroit is in my opinion Weezer's best.

Something I have never been able to do: Become friends with an ex. I have had conversations with exes here and there, very infrequent, and it's just the catching up deal. I feel like I have barely changed since grade school so I feel like I don't outgrow people. When it comes down to it there are things that have an end. There is a reason for the end. There was a reason I was never friends with a girl before. I don't get it. I'm bad at it.

Something Interesting: Sister Christian - Coheed & Cambria.

Something I wrote in Yuma, Az on that op:
There are things I have done that I don't understand. Not necessarily bad things, just actions I don't understand. For example, why when I slept with Meghan that in the morning I would pull her into me. Pull her in to be my little spoon. It was never a conscience decision. Is this an action I have done before? Will I do it again?

More importantly though, why do I fake crying? Perhaps because I believed crying was a weakness. When I grew up and my dad was mad he would yell. Not that he is a terrible person, just his mood or how he was raised makes him act like that. I've seen my siblings cry, I've seen my mom cry, I've cried myself. I grew determined that I would not cry if i could prevent it. But why have I let that apply to situations outside of him? Is it ingrained in me that it is really that bad? Every time I feel that the emotion is there I have to force myself to cry. And that is not real crying. Maybe I am trying to portray a softer side to myself. It is something I don't understand. In fact, it kind of haunts me.

Fuck it, let's get drunk and go snowboarding.

Posting to Post

Well I'm pretty frustrated at myself for not being able to do anything artistic lately. It's been pretty lame. Regardless, I'm drunk and have had a good fill of MW2. I have a couple of links I want to post and/or something.

First: Have you ever seen the movie untraceable. It's pretty cool. The more you click on a website the faster a person dies and the whole thing is on the website. Well here is a pyramid website where the clicks reveal pictures of an exgirlfriend that this guy is pissed off at. I think the whole premise on the website is hilarious. http://ihatejade.com/?id=uje9ascv6b8i90zmhlbayi8acljesc

Second: FML has taken off, and TFLN is getting big too. I personally think that FML has caught the attention of teenagers who need people to hear them. TFLN has some hilarious texts and I am always posting those on friend's facebook walls. Even better though is i am neurotic. This site is the epitome of people who are messed up. I can not get enough of the things people make themselves do.

Third: Well there isn't a third. damn.

Duct Tape

Duct Tape: Fixes all except its original purpose, fixing ducts.

Being Cool with Duct Tape: Remember the trends? The duct tape wrist band? I totally forgot about that until today I was three-quarters of the way into making one. Then that reminded me, I used to be pretty good with hemp design too. That got me thinking: maybe I should make a cool necklace again.

Events: I'm not one for news. When the newscasters are bored they talk about celebrity gossip. When there is a HOT topic, then they talk about it in a fashion that hurts one's soul. Always putting a spin on something. Take today's events for example: 12 and rising are killed at Fort Hood in some soldier's craziness. The second topic you ask - "Sandra Bullock 'grateful' for stepmom role." All the more reason for me to stick with video games and random conversations with friends.

I have changed my mind about vehicle purchase... wait hold on. Phish just came on my playlist. (pause for Silent in the Morning) Okay, so what was I typing about, oh yeah. I feel that the black cherry never needs to be popped. Wait, that was not the topic. Evan's Mini Cooper was always a fun car, but I have been convinced to browse the American shelf of cars. So I looked. Mazda 6 is cool. Volvo S40 would be nice to drive. I think the car for me, however, is the Jeep Compass. It is small for the mobility I want on the road, and it can tow and handle the random stuff I always have in my current car (snowboard, golf bag, drunk chair, toolbox, and miscellaneous stuff that finds its way in there).

Linux: Holy hell. Open Suse has a create your own image (Operating System and Applications and files and background and everything). It's called Appliance on the SUSE Studio. Free to sign up. I took several trial runs and I think I finally came up with something I really like. Next step: Open up space on this laptop, buy a two terabyte external for more storage, and make sure I have another computer near by for driver installs and downloads.

Windows 7: Ben Pruyne bought it in Yuma and installed the 32bit on his laptop and the 64bit on his desktop. I took a look at it. Really nice. Removed the weight that Vista carried and simplified some more aspects. Windows might have taken a few more steps in the direction of Apple, but Apples are selling and you have to keep with the times. I personally have really come to like Vista. It is much easier to browse and maneuver than XP. The steps 7 went are just that much simpler.
-Why 7? In case you don't know: 95, 98, 2000, ME, XP, Vista... 7.

Pushing feelings behind me. Two years was a good run and the best relationship I have ever had. Gotta hope for good things in the future. Enjoy your Thursday and I'll enjoy mine.

Self-Pity

I need to vent for a moment. Since Meghan and I broke up for the second time, and since it is so obvious that we will ever get back together, my emotions have been Helter Skelter - Beatles. I'm trying to lose that dream. I'm attempting to forget what I can't have. The best part? I am struggling to write again. I lose the inspiration. I don't understand why I have this problem, but I do. Makes me pretty lame.

Previous girlfriends have been easy to forget, or easier to get over. This girl has really messed me up in a bad way. I have been getting emotional over the littlest things and anything that reminds me of anything, which is everything. I drink so I can steer away from being a pussy when I'm sober.

Hopefully I can get away from this self-pity. For now I needed to write this down.

In other news: The events out here in Yuma, Arizona. Five of us from my data shop went out to the middle of nowhere and provided communications with twenty-five other people from other shops. From my shop I did most of the work. I did everything networking related. Another guy set up and managed the servers and user accounts, but once he did that he was done. If anything happened I was always the one they woke up, or asked, or had solve their problem. So that was a nice responsibility.

Do a Barrel Roll

Although these words may be slightly synonomous follow me on their different conotations. I feel that I have this mindset where I am inspired, intrigued, facinated and curious about the most random things. Example: we were discussing monitors at work last week. The discussion revolved around resolution but dipped into 1080. Monitors are getting better than 1080, but there is still this 1080p vs 1080i question in my head. So I immediately began research on the difference between p and i. First reaction, “What are you doing?” response, “looking up the difference of 1080p and 1080i” “why, everyone knows p is better” response, “but why is p better. Why does everyone only know that aspect of the argument?” So I reseached it. P stands for progressive scan. All pixels are constantly updating with the proper image. I stands for interlaced. This is how old tube tv’s worked. First the odd lines flashed followed rapidly by the even lines (hence why if you videotape a screen you can see these scrolling lines. It’s too fast for the human eye). 1080 can be converted by the tv to 540 and it can handle it better. LCD never needs this interlaced and we could move onto progressive. And now I know.

For some reason this kind of thing is always happening to me. I end up researching something everyone knows about but that no one cares to really know the background to. Thank you for the useless knowledge I build. Miramar is hosting their annual airshow this weekend. Did you know that a barrel roll is a loop and what we know as a barrel roll is a aileron roll. Thank you Starfox for teaching children wrong.

I was watching Angels and Demons today. I have read the book and that delve into the illuminati is really cool. In fact going into that old science of earth, air, fire and water is really inspirational to me. I even applaud questioning of America's past and even the consideration that Washington D.C. is a continuation of Rome.

No matter what religion you are I always think it is a good idea to provoke questioning and pushing the limits of ideas pressed upon you. I was raised Catholic and I have never stopped questioning the faults that Christianity has made. I have had a similar discussion with someone of Mormon faith and I would love to continue with other religions. We are past the age where the sun was pulled across the sky by a chariot. Let modern religion support scientific progression. Furthermore, the further you progress into science the more you see god in everything. NASA can trek to the depths of space, but it still is so never-ending. CERN can find smaller and smaller but that is too never-ending. The search for god and our purpose is never-ending. Simple.

Time to lay back and watch the sky, because that is one of my favorite things to do. Observe nature and it's awesomeness.

Tempid Weekends

Mood: Tempid (Interesting, Tempid has a red line under it. Apparently blogspot doesn't recognize the variation of tepid in a fashion sense) (double note, blogspot has a red line under it too. Apparently blogspot doesn't recognize it's own name)

I want to post the lyrics I wrote for the Night Angel Trilogy. This is part 1.

The Way of Shadows

A world bound to turmoil and evil
Can only be kept by the best who can kill
Through trial and error the boy will learn
On this path he will be forced to be Stern

Crippled by pain, destroyed by the fear
Cursed by the knowing that he would appear
Swift through the night, the wetboy will run
The deader, the person, and the deed is done

Immortality's curse and judgment's blade
Cloaked in grays, a death to be paid
Life's cruel joke, his father must die
That he may live on, retribution at his side

As he walks through the night
He feels so alone
He's taken his father's life
He's now dead and gone

09/26/2009

Song of the Moment: Cage the Elephant - Ain't No Rest for the Wicked

Something I thought was really cool was a "about me" I put into my facebook and I have still not taken out. I like to have this impression where if someone reads it they think that I am quoting someone and then they can never find the quote. It goes:

Drove to the edge of reality, the thin line that reads us all. The fate and well being. The karma that flows like the sands of time. I kicked a rock over the edge and watched it fall. Turned around and drove back to the insanity. And there I'll stay.

I actually based a poem off of this exact paragraph. I'm weird like that I guess?

Jake: My brother. He got back to me after sending him an email of a lot of my latest poetry. He really likes what I have written, I must be doing something right, and he thinks I should really continue the Jenna and Jimmy poems. Yeah... I'll get right on that, too bad a lot of that inspiration is gone now. It is nice to be appreciated though. I really don't share my poetry that much and I guess putting online is almost an outlet for that, even though no one knows about this blog.

That Time Where The World Is Right

Masturbating... coming. Which ever. That point where you have complete and utter focus on yourself and all of the world's problems are non-existent. I don't care whether you are rubbing one out for stress relieve or because you have some person on your mind or you're having that careless fuck where you have no cares in the world. The point is that you are in zen, in nirvana, in teen spirit... I mean, you're not caring for anything else. There is something important about that point. It brings the world full-circle. The meaning of life becomes that much closer to understanding.

On the other hand, I don't know about you, but on the night where I relieve myself from stress with a self-quickie and the hope to fall asleep promptly, I often run into the restless sleep where I roll around and for some reason my hormones decide to act up and keep me ready, awake, and... well firm. So I toss and turn and try and focus on Rosie O'Donnell to calm my nerves and finally fall asleep. However, then you realize that you are trying to fall asleep to the image of Rosie O'Donnell and that just makes you more aware to the situation that she is the last on on your mind and that whole situation and how bad that is. That's when you toss and turn more. By that point you're, or I'm, not hard any more, but I can't fall asleep due to horror. So what's the solution at that point?

I may be drunk, but this whole post is what I thought of last night when I was contemplating this whole situation after Rosie O'Donnell. It needed to be said.

Maybe tonight the quickie will end in sleep instead of horror.

Pandemonium

Want to excite and impress someone? Try another person. Life is Pandemonium.

Something to read: The Night Angel Trilogy by Brent Weeks. It was awesome. I think in a month I was able to get my hands on all three and read them. In respect, the band (see below) is working on a song. Guess who gets to work the lyrics, this guy.

I leave for Washington D.C. on Thursday. Anticipation is building, anxiety is present and of course my stupidity is there causing Meghan to be upset at me multiple nights in a row. She thinks my actions are my anxiousness, and I can only agree. I am bad at reading my own emotions sometimes. Now is one of them.

Something new I have been working on:

Run

Where do you run with their eyes upon you?
Among the fools, creeps and ghouls.
Soul searching in the dirty streets.
Where do you cry when no one is watching?
Alone in the dark, forgotten by all.
Tears streaming, lost in the corner.

Your screams wake the dead,
Haunt the derelicts of dawn.
Crawling through the blood
Of those fallen around you.

How can you laugh in the face of danger?
Steady with determination and confidence.
Leading all others with courage.
How can you crush anxiety and despair?
Inspiring love and instilling esteem.
Head held high, standing on the forefront.

08/30/2009

Hope you enjoy.

The Band: A group of guys from work, Jeff Dobbins (drummer), Daryl DesPault(guitarist), Tyler Elliott (guitarist) started a band, Fear of Knowing, and have been working to create a good metal sound. They asked that I play a little keyboard for them and I have indulged. The looks have a bassist on the way. The sound is pretty good.

Life can be pandemonium and today has me looking to the past to settle me. I took an hour break in the day to look at old photos. Times where I did stupider things and upset more girls. These must be super powers in my arsenal.

Do something cool, solve a rubix cube and every night leave it scrambled for the next day. Life is pandemonium.

On My Mind

I don't have much for the moment, but that seems to happen to me often. Regardless I'll post what I do have.

Hott: This may be the hottest sex scene in a movie (that I can recall). Is it just me or do the characters in this movie always have wet hair?

Poetry:

In That Moment

Determined to have you I would not stray
Like so many others who give up in trial.
Crushed dreams and broken heart could not deter
Me from the calling and belonging to you.
The ball and chain of my life is heavy
A burden, the loneliness, from which I yearn to be free.
Cradling your head in my lap is a dream,
A moment I long to achieve.
Simple thoughts trouble and confuse me.
Creative images I drift off to
Leave me alone in the morning,
Rolling over and clutching only air.
Desperation isn’t my best cologne.
Crying isn’t the smile you want to see.
Confidence is what I want to have.
To have and to hold is what I want.
To care and to love is what I need.
The girl that is you, to be with me.
08/08/2009

It probably needs a little revision. I feel that some parts of it don't make perfect sense or flow properly, but oh well.

Thought: If I were ever to be recorded having sex I wish it wouldn't be gross or pron like. I would prefer it to be more like Underworld.
Yep, that's it.

Left at Albuquerque

Duct tape is the fix it for it all, but if I wrap my life in duct tape I think I'd just be isolated that much more. Weird.

Stress: I think I have two stressed out modes
1. I flip out and can't handle anything and everything just seems to be going wrong.
2. I appear to be fine, but deep down I'm messed up. There is a lot on my plate and I can't handle it, but as far as anyone is concerned I'm fine.

The latter. I think that's me right now. Stressed out and no one knows. Not that that is a bad thing. I'm not sure I want people knowing, but that doesn't mean it isn't stressful. I guess that's why I'm mentioning it now. My brother's wedding is coming up and for the past few months I've been doing everything I could to save money. Then I had a couple of visits: Meghan, followed by Evan and Rob, and I may have spent too much. And for the past two weeks I've been playing the counting game (well it costs this much for this, I need to buy this, I need to pay for this and I'm only going to have this amount coming to me on the 15th). Fuck. I literally spaced out for a half hour at work on Friday and contemplated how I was going to be financially.

Funny things: Apparently I caught the sun really well with my chevrons on my uniform on Friday and a kid I know saluted me because he thought I was an officer. Ha. We both got a good laugh as soon as he got closer and recognized me.

Hope: This fall is exciting. First, Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2. Second, Assassin's Creed II. As for Halo. I think I'm done. Maybe Reach, but as for ODST... umm, I pass. It looks too much like a game for a thirteen year old. Perhaps all the Halos looked like that. Regardless, I'm not thirteen anymore. Third, Splinter Cell. I've been wanting to play another Splinter Cell for a long time. I really hope you can be as stealth as before. If this comes out... I may need to buy a steering wheel and foot pedal set.

Lookout Now: Call of Duty clan. Bryan McAdams, Ryan Miller, Rob Keith, Evan Feringa, some more names here, and I are working up our DEAD clan. I'm hoping we can start playing some gamebattles games soon.

Writing: My last bits of writing have seriously been a four liner and a two liner. The two liner I think I have more, yeah, but it isn't written. I fail.

That's all for now. Don't make a left at Albuquerque unless you are heading West and want to go south.

Add Some Drawings.

Two for now. First one was drawn after watching Clerks II and during the Red Wings game. Second one was drawn just now.

That's all I really have for right now. I'm sick and tired and this week has just been wearing me out. Oh yeah, and my Xbox decided that it didn't love me anymore and decided to red ring. Dealing with that currently.

The Things We Do

So here I am in the bathroom. I turn on the water to the sink, and it feels like my phone vibrates in my pocket, so I reach in and pull the cellular device out. "Oh no," says my mind as I lose control and my one-year-old LG Chocolate v2 falls into the sink which has accumulated a decent amount of water. The phone begins vibrating immediately and stops all other functions. I remove the battery. Anytime I replace the battery it refuses to turn the phone on, but continues vibrating violently. Fuck. I go to the Verizon store. No insurance so I have to pay out of pocket for a new one. "Time for one of dem fancy touch screen phones," I say. Straight up, not going to lie. This phone is pretty badass. Thank you LG for continuing to make awesome phones. The Versa is exactly what I needed to upgrade to.

So that being said, let's move on. Meghan is coming to visit. I'm kinda nervous about that one. Last time we were around each other it was a little awkward. We didn't know how to act, how far to go and ended up just acting couple-y anyway. This should be different, but I'm still unsure about how it will actually go down.

Time for some poem input? Sure, why not. This one is digging back almost six months ago.

What She Says

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said,
“I feel so horrible and guilty.
Lost and trapped, scared and insecure.
Forgive me please, I can’t forget the nights.”
“It’s not your fault,” she says,
“But I can’t be with you.
Believe me I want to be yours.
I fight from calling you ‘baby.’
I struggle each day, not saying ‘you’re mine.’ ”

She cries in the night when she thinks I’m asleep
Her smile is a lie, when she says that she’s happy.
With a tear in her eye, she tells me she loves me.
“You’re the one for me,” she whispers to me.
“Maybe someday, years from now, it’ll work.
I don’t want to lose you; can we be friends?”

And on that day I fell to pieces,
A jigsaw pattern across the floor.
I’ll never be the same, put back together.
I’ll remain missing, behind my walls.

05/11/2009

In other news, my alcohol tolerance is going up. I drank an entire bottle of red wine last night. It was delicious and inexpensive. Definitely worth it.

Wanna Run with Scissors?


Well, that's about all I have for now. Wish this was a little more witty and fun, but ya-know, some things just don't work out how you plan. Enjoy the rest of May. I know I will, Veinte y dos on the 29th.

Gadgets

Ever since returning from Iraq I haven't found the need to blog. I return now to throw a few things out there so that, well so that they're in writing.

I'm back to playing video games at a good amount. That and drinking. Which are both probably in the "too much category", but when you're as bored as me than you must be boring and who would want to hang out with that. Exactly. To improve my gaming experience I've made some upgrades. I purchased a 32" LCD tv and a 1000 watt surround sound. Of course I didn't get it how I wanted it precisely, but oh well, close enough. Do I need the DVD player in my surround sound? No, yet I bought that one for some reason. Does my surround sound work when connected to my xbox? No, I still need to get a fiber cable to connect the two so that my back speakers will work. "The answer to today's over abundance of technology isn't fewer useless gadgets. It's more useless features and fewer usable gadgets." - Sarge (Red vs. Blue).

My writing has been steady... nothing good, just little lines here and there. Although my biggest problem with my writing is that I never go back and revise it. Almost everything I've ever written is a first draft, AKA could be better. I like my writing as a first draft, but I always intend to go back and rework it. I fail at this aspect.

Drawing? Nothing. It's like my artist side has just fallen off the map.

Drink of choice: Right now I could go for a captain and coke, that's what I had last night and I could really go for another one.

Everything else is meh. I just feel like cranking some Alkaline Trio, Motion City Sound Track, Pearl Jam, Smashing Pumpkins and ignoring the world. Fuck It, I Just Might.

Dueces.

Home and in the States

***HEADS UP***
This Blog will be Detailing Emotions for a girl. If you don't want to read that, then only read the first and last paragraphs.
***HEADS UP***

Sometimes it just takes some time being away from something to notice how much you liked it, or really care for it. This time being home there was the least of nagging from my parents and the best of decisions. I can't live with them anymore. There would be no way in which I would enjoy that, but visiting. I can do visiting now. They have realized that I am a man and make my own decisions. It seems they see how mature I have become and leave me alone. Coming home this time has really opened my eyes to how accommodating my parents can really be. "Matt, we have a car for you to use when you get here... Matt we arranged to have dinner at such and such... Matt you should go see your friends and your time spending with them sounds really fun." That's something that I'm just not used to. I have to actually say, "Wow, I love my parents." It sucked growing up with them, but now that I'm not living under them and under their rules it has been much easier to be in their presence.

Being away from Meghan: Seven months is a long time away from a particular being that you really love and care about. Coming back to Michigan I was really unsure about what to expect. Part of me thought we were just going to get back together upon seeing each other. But the way that we have been acting, and the way we've been talking has just made sense. We aren't devoting ourselves to the other person. Not that we're dating now, but I'd say we definitely are in a category of more than friends. For sure "best friends." And yes, I have three best friends under the "best friends" category. She's leaving a door open with the possibility of a "get back together" and I think deep down we both want that to happen. However, for the mean time it seems best to become independent of each other. It's healthy.
Being away from her and severing that "Dating" label has really made me dig to find what I want. I have found that I really do care for her, and I really do want things to work out between us. But without her I have found that: I spent an unhealthy amount of time on the phone with her; I texted her too often about things I thought were important; I didn't use my other friends enough; I monopolized time at home with time with her.

Song of the Moment: Playground Love - Air

Sexual Tension: This doesn't have to be just about sex. I'm talking about the kissing too. Very interesting stuff. In this aspect people are hard to read. Thank god for girls who make the first move and know what they want, otherwise I'd be lost in the sauce. How would I have known kissing was acceptable? oh she kissed me, okay.

*Making out and feeling up boobs are a hand-in-hand concept for me. Lately, it is more of a per-request: you move my hand if you want it.

Unhealthy in a Relationship: calling so often that if one person doesn't get a call they are offended. calling so often that you feel you should call just to make sure the other person hears your voice. dropping hanging out with "real" people to talk over the phone.
-If I have a shitty day, I can handle it. I should not of bitched to my significant other.
-If I want to do something, I should make that decision. I should not look for approval in everything I do.

The good thing is that Megan and I both see the problems that happened, and we see the potential for them to arise again. We are both sensible adults and want to make the best decision.

Kissing: I love kissing. Making out is awesome.

Frustrating for me: I seriously still love this girl and I don't want to make a move towards anyone else. I'm sure if I was somewhere I could kiss another girl, but I doubt that I would allow myself to take it any further. Not that that is wrong, but I'm a twenty-one year old boy, shouldn't I be sexing everything in site? If she were to go to a graduate school on the east coast, I'm positive that a long distance relationship is not in the mix. Probability of me deploying again? 100% and I'm not sure that long distance relationship is likely. Believe me I want to make the relationship work, but it just seems that logically there is such a slim chance that it would happen. The way we've been talking about it seems like it would only happen if she went to grad school in Monterey, California. Ouch for me.

I've had some more reviews of my poetry and I'm starting to get really excited for the possibilities of more people reading it. It's a good emotional and stress release for me, but I'm never sure how other people are going to take it. Not guaranteed, but my brother told me I should send a few to the lead singer of his band and see if it doesn't get made into a song. I've never been to secure of my poetry. Who knows what will happen, but I'm open for any possibility.

Presenting Awards

Sometimes you just have to admire how it can be a game, or how it can be political. I thought it was about mission, but if you aren't kissing the right person's ass, you just won't be recognized. Perfect example: There were only a handful of us who busted our balls on the network out here in Iraq. I don't kiss ass, I'm a smart ass (example soon to follow). I am presented a simple, 'hey, you did a good job' because I had a Sergeant recognize that I can do my job. However, our shop Gunnery Sergeant was presented his second Navy and Marine Corps Achievement Medal (NAM). What did he do out here, fucking nothing. In fact, he was more of a hindrance in getting the job done whenever he went out to 'help' us. He kissed our Lieutenant's ass and therefore was written up with the award.

In terms of being a smart ass: Iraq is the largest stand alone network in the world (previously mentioned and will be explained further later). We have basically two core switches / routers, twenty distribution switches / routers and over four hundred and fifty access switches, which in turn provide services to over twenty thousand users and all of that is at Al Asad. Hence, when a Colonel hands me a coin, the one my Sergeant wrote me up to receive, and mentions how I did a good job as a MIMMs NCO and that I worked on forty to fifty access switches ... that bothers me. And me being me, I can't let that go. So before I can filter the message my brain sends I slide in, "A few more than that, sir." Not in a disrespectful way, but in a way that everyone of higher rank in my shop has called me a smart ass for. I'm sorry, but no. You are wrong. Someone gave you bad information. It's over four fifty.

Giving a Presentation: I realize that drop outs and people that can't get into college are often the ones who join the Military, but that should not stop our High Schools from teaching their students how to properly give a presentation. I had three presentations today and they just happened to cover all the possiblities. 1st) Our Chaplain did it right. 2nd) Our Corps-woman did it wrong. She almost never referenced her slides, and talked about what needed to be covered. Use the slides properly. If you aren't going to say anything on a slide, then get rid of it. Only one in three slides were ever covered, even partially, and the rest were given her hand wave and 'Next'. 3rd) Our acting Company Gunny did it wrong. He never strayed from the slides. Not a single word. Not only that, but he would read the whole slide through and then pick key words or phrases from each slide and tell us what they mean. No shit. I guess I didn't realize that 'Getting Involved' meant interacting with my fellow Marines. The right way to present? The slides are there for an outline of your presentation and can also be used to demonstrate (graphs, pictures, videos). Otherwise, there is no reason to put a paragraph on a slide. Key words, phrases and sentences only (Like a Fucking Outline).

Enough bitching from me. I made a decision. I figure this deployment most likely won't be my last. Therefore, I purchased something I don't need. Oakley Sunglasses. I got them with the black lenses and black frames. I like them, and considering my brother's upcoming wedding, and also the way I dress, in general, I think they will add to my style.

Favorite Port-a-John Quote: Ladies, how does it feel going back to the US to be ugly again?

Favorite word describing a decent looking girl in Iraq: Iraq-able.
Use it in a sentence: Yep, I'd do her, she's Iraq-able.

And I'm done. I really wish I had a scanner. There are some drawings I'd like to upload. I guess those will just have to wait.

Things and Such

Movie to watch: Seven Pounds. It's really cool, though really sad. Really.

Ending a Deployment: All the bullshit you didn't have to deal with, just seems to build up. During the deployment it was, 'No, I can't give up five Marines to a working party to dig a trench. I have a network to run.' Well, maybe it's not that bad, but it seems we are trying to give our network over on a silver fucking platter. 'Hey we need to clean out all the drawers and rooms of everything we don't use so that they are good to go.' 'Let's reorganize all the fiber.' 'Let's move desks around.' Shouldn't we be turning over with the people replacing us? Not cleaning up for them? Tell me to teach them how to TFTP or XModem a switch IOS and I will. Have we, no. Why? Because we can make the bunker look pretty so that things are neat. Fuck that.

What else? Oh yeah, how about the concept of leftseat - rightseat (imagine driving a car). Turnover is two weeks long. One week we control the network and they look over our shoulders, and the next week we let them drive and we just help out if they fuck something up, or we give them hints on how to do it better. Nope, we're just going to rip the band-aid off at the last possible minute and when they have questions we won't be here to answer them.

That aside, getting ready to leave has never been sweeter. Maybe leaving boot camp. Don't get me wrong, this deployment wasn't bad. I love doing my job. In fact, now that I'm single I would re-deploy in two months and not care. Well, maybe a little care. I would miss the fast internet, the driving my car, the drinking alcohol, the having weekends, etc. The fact of the matter is, when I'm in CONUS (Continental United States) my job is nothing. I don't do jack. I only do my job in a deployed environment. So send me home, let me play for two months, then send me back out. If Afghanistan is next, to Afghanistan I go. Just don't put me on a convoy. Let me fix the switches, the servers, the routers, the printers, the computers, the cat5 lines. It's what I do and I'm fucking good at it.

Mood: Depressed

Women: Meghan is over me. That sucks. I'm not over her. My brain is rattled worse than ever before. I can keep focus whenever I need to, but in the moments where I day-dream or my mind wanders (considering I'm ADD this happens often) I tend to think of her, or events with her. It's sad actually. My stories went from, my girlfriend does this to - my ex-girlfriend did that. I sound pathetic.
-Example: Talking about cars. Sgt. Messerole says he has to purchase an automatic, but that the 'no clutch manual' is really cool. I guess that would work for him, but seriously though? Screw that. I've tried it. It's gay. You might as well just drive auto. No clutch, no dice. The comment I wanted to add in that I had to bite my tongue on, 'Well, if you were married to someone like my ex-girlfriend, then she would be able to drive a stick and you wouldn't have that problem.'

Movie I relate to: Gran Torino. I can recognize the houses and the streets of Detroit, and the credits roll on Lake Shore Drive.

Plans Upon Arrival in San Diego: Unpack what I need, get my car from TMO (if I can), go catch lunch at California Thai (delicious), unpack some more, go downtown and purchase a Freebord, check out Oakley's sunglasses at the Oakley shop on 5th Street, maybe grab a beer at a bar, get something good for dinner (perhaps Panda Express) and then go back to my room with a case of beer and drink with other people.

Method of Masturbation: Shower and a form of lubricant (shampoo, soap, etc) with mental thoughts of previous sexual encounters.

Additional Purchase: A scanner so that I can post my drawings.

Best Friends

So here's how I was thinking about it. My best friends, Evan and Rob, have two different sets of morals and this is how I think having my girlfriend (make one up, named Jane) that liked one of them would work out.

Rob: Jane hits on Rob. I think of Rob as a 'bros before hoes' kind of guy. He would be like, sorry, but you're just another trick and Matt can do better. Then he would let me know, dude I think Jane might be a slut. And would keep it real with me. He's a straight up kinda guy.

Evan: Jane hits on Evan. I think of Evan as a 'I can't keep it in my pants for more than thirty minutes' kinda guy. He would whip it out, throw it down and fuck her in every imaginable and possible way. Then he would let me know, dude watch out I think Jane might be a slut. She came on to me. He might lie to me, but he would tell me how he felt about the girl. He's a straight up kinda guy.

Either way, their opinion on my girlfriends of the past have always been "Matt are you serious, break up with her. No, not tomorrow, five months ago. What are you still doing in this relationship?" I don't think either of them would allow their thoughts to be not heard if it allowed them to let me suffer in an unjust relationship.

What else, hmm. I don't know.

Snoogens, bitches.

Being a Pussy

I think I just realized how much of a pussy I really am. I can not ask out a girl without knowing for sure that she is interested in me. I can prove this with every girl I've been interested in. They ALWAYS make the first move, or a move where I'm positive they like me. I'll try my best in recalling:
Koral (4 days) - asked her to a U of D dance, she kissed me there.
Tuesday (2 months approx) - I remember a dance involved, but I can't remember if it started there. I don't believe so.
Nicole (1 year, 1 year again) - invited her over after Christmas mass and she kissed me on the cheek.
Mattie (3 weeks) - I barely remember this relationship, seriously. That's kinda bad, but I know there wasn't much physical interaction.
Maddy (no official time) - I can remember events, but not the start. I wanna say it was at (the park on lakeland and jefferson, City Park?)
-Chrissy - Kissed my ear on the couch in the quad at MTU, I noticed the move and ended up making out with her. Made the whole 'friends' situation awkward and we really haven't spoken since.
-Melissa - I never made a move and neither did she. Maybe better that way.
-Dana (basically dated, never official, ... for a month?) - kissed my ear in my car outside her house.
-Meghan (1 year 10 months) - kissed my ear when I had my head in her lap at my house watching movies/teevee shows.

I really think that I have never made the first move. Yes, maybe the first kiss. But the first move? Nope, never. I am a pussy.

Just the Poem

I wrote this one last night. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I think some revision may be in order. Look at the star constellation Orion on its side and it looks like a stingray. I will name that stingray Orion (sorry, off track).

Orion's Belt

Orion stands firm, bow strung taut.
He and his stars shine down bright.
Dancing above the cruel atmosphere.

Laying below, the sand at my back.
Trying to go, to run, to disappear.
Somewhere to hide away,
Hide from the pain and sorrow,
Longing for the end of today,
Always moments from tomorrow.

Stuck in my head the body of an angel.
Seared into my thoughts are beautiful eyes.
To dance again with the stars in the heavens.

The wind blows with each step you take.
Blown away from me, caught in a gust.
With one more step you vanish from sight
And I'm hurled into darkness and dispair.
A heart left broken, empty and alone.

No dances left for a heart of stone.
The stars die with the night. And the sun,
Drawn by chariot, crosses the horizon.
01/05/2009

Generating Hype

You're around some of your friends, and they have money, and they are going to buy this and that and the other thing. God I want all those things and it's so hard for me to say no, but I have to. No I cannot purchase those Oakley's even though they are $100.00 off, they still cost $80.00. Damn, how I want them. One of the toughest things to do. Just saying no to unnecessary purchases.

I loved Halo. I loved Halo 2. I failed out of college partly because of Halo 2. I loved Halo 3. I loved playing it online. However, for some reason Call of Duty 4 caught my eye. It was faster loads between games. You kept your party of teammates and opponents. The challenge was amazing. Then, all of a sudden I found that I wasn't playing Halo 3 anymore. I think that Call of Duty 4 (CoD4) was so great due to Infinity Ward. They made the online play amazing. I've played Call of Duty: World at War and it just doesn't hold up in comparison. No, I have not played it online, but the game itself wasn't as good. Besides, I can't stand WWII weapons. They suck. Now I have to worry about Halo: ODST. It caught my eye in a way Halo 2 and 3 did. But will the 'fighting aliens' concept be good? I just don't know what to think. And ODST won't have an online play to go with it. They are just going to let you play Halo 3 on the disc. What kind of crap is that, Bungie? I am getting pretty hyped up for another Halo. And a tactical game is one I'm looking for.

Onto other things: Pubes. I shave. I like it that way. I prefer feeling smooth skin and not hair when I have to masturbate or for any other reason I need to touch myself. Hell, I think it looks better. I'm considering a wax, but, well. 1) I'm not sure how it would work. 2) I don't know of a place that would wax a guy. 3) It's just cheaper if I keep shaving.
For the ladies. It's like Pepsi or Coke. Big boobs or little boobs. I prefer Pepsi and I prefer little boobs (there is less potential for sagging, plus I like 'em perky). I also prefer you sans pubes. But, if you give me a Coke I'll drink it. I won't be spending mouth time on a girl that has a bush. Fingers or cock. No shave, no oral (Simple).
I have had both. When I was naive and had braces I definitely went down on a girlfriend and regretted the bush she had as somehow those squiggly hairs just end up in your mouth, between teeth, at the time caught in braces, and finally into your stomach. Gross. One of the things you have to find out the hard way, I suppose. Moving onto better things I ate out a shaved girl and I was much more willing to spend time between her legs. Ask an ex, I'll spend hours and not complain. You have your ass-men. You have your boobs-men. I consider myself a pussy-man. I don't consider myself an 'oral god' so you're probably not missing out on much, so wear your vagina however you want to and I will do the same with mine.

Energy Drinks: Oh how I am addicted. Monster Chaos and Red Bull. Do I need them? No. But they are delicious.

Sucker: I am a sucker for a girl's stomach. If you have a good looking stomach I will forget about the bag over your face. I don't think I realized this until my friend Chrissy in college. I was dating Nicole at the time, who does not have a good looking stomach, and used to hang out in the sauna with friends. I never cheated on Nicole with Chrissy, I don't think Chrissy would have ever allowed it, but I think I saw how a tight stomach just caught my eye.

Funny Moment: You know the move guys make where they yawn and put an arm over the shoulder of a girl? I just witnessed a Data Marine stretch out a cat5 line in the same manner.

Back to tight stomachs. Yep. Think about it. Yep. Okay, I'm done.

Desires

I saw a banned commercial about Pop Rocks today. The implication that a blow job is okay, but getting head with Pop Rocks is fantastic. Wrong. I've had it done. You end up with a sticky cock and feel none of the "popping" effects. Maybe I have a very insensitive dick, nevertheless, you are probably not going to be inserting into her with a candy covered cock (alliteration). So find something else that sounds cool, perhaps a cleveland steamer is more to your liking.

Technology today: Exciting. have you seen HDMI. It is way better than S-video, way better than composite cables. Don't have it? You can purchase a video card and insert it into your PCI Express slot and wa-la your computer can talk to your tv. Cool thing behind HDMI, it's not just video like most video cables. It takes care of your audio too.

Incorporating this: I want to build a desktop (ATX shell) from scratch. It will be my first build. I want to create a multifunctional server. Connecting directly to my TV I will use it as my DVD player. Using Raid5 across three or four hard drives I will have a storage server for all my movies, teevee shows, documents, pictures, and anything else I can think of. I could extend and make it a Web Server and host a website from it. Who knows, the possibilites are endless.

My thoughts about the build: Linux. I do not want to deal with Windows or the cost of Microsoft products. Linux runs smooth and without the need for massive memory. It's veratile: I can use this computer for all my functions. Check out Unbuntu or SUSE, they are pretty cool and free. If I'm not going to be using this as a 'work' computer, then why do I need programs like Microsoft Office. With Linux I could use a Solid State Disk. Boot and run all my system files off of a 16gig Solid State Disk and run all my storage off of a different drive.

Don't like the sound of Linux, afraid of it perhaps: Most cell phones are Linux OS. It's easy to run.

Food of the moment: Lasagna - I want some.

Things I want:
-mp3 player. I'm sick of going on flights and not having good music to listen to. I like ipods and I trust them, but zunes aren't bad. The nano shape is pretty cool.
-freebord. They are just frickin' awesome.
-my Alienware computer to be fixed. The monitor display is broken. The video card is fine though. I can postpone the fix by using my teevee as a display.

Quote of the day: Zach Galifianakis - 'You know what I like to do when I'm making out with a woman? I like to whisper in her ear "Would you like to touch my vagina?" and she's like "WHAT!?!" and I'm like [whispering] "that's what you're supposed to say." '

Another good whisper: 'Sweet nothings'

You want a New Years Resolution? How about, I resolve to stop making New Year Resolutions. Damn, I failed.