Home and in the States

***HEADS UP***
This Blog will be Detailing Emotions for a girl. If you don't want to read that, then only read the first and last paragraphs.
***HEADS UP***

Sometimes it just takes some time being away from something to notice how much you liked it, or really care for it. This time being home there was the least of nagging from my parents and the best of decisions. I can't live with them anymore. There would be no way in which I would enjoy that, but visiting. I can do visiting now. They have realized that I am a man and make my own decisions. It seems they see how mature I have become and leave me alone. Coming home this time has really opened my eyes to how accommodating my parents can really be. "Matt, we have a car for you to use when you get here... Matt we arranged to have dinner at such and such... Matt you should go see your friends and your time spending with them sounds really fun." That's something that I'm just not used to. I have to actually say, "Wow, I love my parents." It sucked growing up with them, but now that I'm not living under them and under their rules it has been much easier to be in their presence.

Being away from Meghan: Seven months is a long time away from a particular being that you really love and care about. Coming back to Michigan I was really unsure about what to expect. Part of me thought we were just going to get back together upon seeing each other. But the way that we have been acting, and the way we've been talking has just made sense. We aren't devoting ourselves to the other person. Not that we're dating now, but I'd say we definitely are in a category of more than friends. For sure "best friends." And yes, I have three best friends under the "best friends" category. She's leaving a door open with the possibility of a "get back together" and I think deep down we both want that to happen. However, for the mean time it seems best to become independent of each other. It's healthy.
Being away from her and severing that "Dating" label has really made me dig to find what I want. I have found that I really do care for her, and I really do want things to work out between us. But without her I have found that: I spent an unhealthy amount of time on the phone with her; I texted her too often about things I thought were important; I didn't use my other friends enough; I monopolized time at home with time with her.

Song of the Moment: Playground Love - Air

Sexual Tension: This doesn't have to be just about sex. I'm talking about the kissing too. Very interesting stuff. In this aspect people are hard to read. Thank god for girls who make the first move and know what they want, otherwise I'd be lost in the sauce. How would I have known kissing was acceptable? oh she kissed me, okay.

*Making out and feeling up boobs are a hand-in-hand concept for me. Lately, it is more of a per-request: you move my hand if you want it.

Unhealthy in a Relationship: calling so often that if one person doesn't get a call they are offended. calling so often that you feel you should call just to make sure the other person hears your voice. dropping hanging out with "real" people to talk over the phone.
-If I have a shitty day, I can handle it. I should not of bitched to my significant other.
-If I want to do something, I should make that decision. I should not look for approval in everything I do.

The good thing is that Megan and I both see the problems that happened, and we see the potential for them to arise again. We are both sensible adults and want to make the best decision.

Kissing: I love kissing. Making out is awesome.

Frustrating for me: I seriously still love this girl and I don't want to make a move towards anyone else. I'm sure if I was somewhere I could kiss another girl, but I doubt that I would allow myself to take it any further. Not that that is wrong, but I'm a twenty-one year old boy, shouldn't I be sexing everything in site? If she were to go to a graduate school on the east coast, I'm positive that a long distance relationship is not in the mix. Probability of me deploying again? 100% and I'm not sure that long distance relationship is likely. Believe me I want to make the relationship work, but it just seems that logically there is such a slim chance that it would happen. The way we've been talking about it seems like it would only happen if she went to grad school in Monterey, California. Ouch for me.

I've had some more reviews of my poetry and I'm starting to get really excited for the possibilities of more people reading it. It's a good emotional and stress release for me, but I'm never sure how other people are going to take it. Not guaranteed, but my brother told me I should send a few to the lead singer of his band and see if it doesn't get made into a song. I've never been to secure of my poetry. Who knows what will happen, but I'm open for any possibility.