Steak and a Blow Job

The calling between a man and a woman is unique. If you want to be a dick about it I'm sure between a man and a man or a woman and a woman is unique too. The relationship factor though, I have never seen two that are identical. Hmm, now that's a special bond for two people. There are some factors that may be similar. John dates Jane, Jane meets Jack and Jane and Jack live happily ever after until John comes in wearing a Santa outfit and kills Jane and Jack. Cheating is one of those factors that may be similar. Long distance relationships not working; have you ever seen one work, probably rarely if at all. Jane cheats on John and yet they fall happily in love, probably less likely.

So onward to my proposal for a relationship, any: have some pre-arranged agreements. John will have his bank account and Jane keeps hers, or something like that. I have a few arrangements I want in a relationship. I cannot think of every one right now, but three I can remember are sexually oriented.
My arrangements:
First, nothing complex, as men are not complex. Once a year, perhaps on my birthday I could get a steak cooked and a blow job. Don't be offended. Personally, I would much rather have sex as enjoying a blow job is more of a rare occasion for me. However, on my birthday, a day all about me, maybe I could make a simple request and then that time would then, you know, be all about me. Worst comes to worse? It doesn't happen. My reaction, "Damn, oh well, maybe next year." Best situation is that she would agree. Maybe she would have her own requests. For her I could do a nice dinner date out and cunilingus.

Next, Natalie Portman as my one celebrity excuse fuck. I don't need five, just the one and Natalie is it. Nothing crude here. The likely hood is slim and if I got to meet her she could always say no. Natalie, if you're reading this: I'm not some crazy fan stalker, I haven't even seen your every film, but I still choose you. Perhaps it's cause the hottest scene you ever did was when you were strutting your stuff down a New York sidewalk in Closer. I respect that you're a smart girl and accept good roles (Harvard and turning down rolls for ones you like better). Say "yes"?

Last, free rights to videos. Simple again. I am a male. Men like porn. I like porn. Don't get me wrong here. I have never turned down spending time for a woman for the videos, nor do I think it has ever effect my relationships. Let's just use and example to explain: let's say you take a girls night out and I do a guys night out. My friends bail on me and you go out. Being the dork I am I would probably crack open a beer and sit in front of the computer and spend some quality me time. So please, don't question the pr0n, it will be on a harddrive somewhere and I do not intend to hide it very well. Look if you'd like, but please don't judge me. I'm not watching the stuff for the plot.

Enough of that, I've said enough. "Who wants to be a millionaire?" Who wants to be inside my head for a day? Now that's a thought, try it once. This one is part of the insanity in my mind:

Agony

Sitting surrounded by pressing walls of agony,
Staring at the cinders, rectangular and entrapping.
Crawling away from the ticks that move in the porous gaps.
Screaming at Lucifer who's bolted to the ceiling.
He's glaring at me pitching darkness attached at my feet.
I run, run, run in circles and the darkness remains,
Run into the wall where the ticks cover me and bubble,
Filled with blood like an erection, thousands on my body.
Crying in pain to the zombie in a guards uniform.
"Help me" I yell and he opens his mouth,
Sprewing forth roaches as he falls back turning green.
I reach my arms through the ice cold bars,
My skin freezes and the ticks go limp.
A stinging pain as a spider bites into my forearm.
Darkness clouds my vision, falling, falling backwards.
Silence.
Murmured communicating coming in slow.
No movement, the feel of the straps taut on my arms.
Legs hooked in and another around my chest.
My eyes unfog and I gather my surroundings,
The white brick walls and bright lights of the asylum.
12/24/2008

No I have never been in an asylum or had any time in a prison or anything of the sort. Hell I've never even been caught, well my parents busted me smoking pot and the cops got me on several 5-over speeding tickets and one ticket for not stopping at a stop sign. Quick story. I'm dating Nicole at the time and driving along and we reach the corner of Chalfonte and Champine. I see no purpose for that stop sign and I look over at Nicole and say, "I hate this stop sign" and proceeded to roll it, glancing left and seeing the cop parked on Champine. Wow I'm retarded. Back to the point. The mind can be a prison, a maze and a hell.

Flaws: This could be one of the best attraction methods. Here me out. I had a friend in college who snorted when she laughed really hard, it was cute. So I wanted to do it often to see it more often. It's not just me either. I've discussed this further with other male friends of mine and I will discuss it further with you another time. Briefly, watch "Good Luck Chuck" and tell me Jessica Alba isn't cute for her flaws.
Right now, I need a steak and a blow job, check that. Right now just a shower.