Perfect from Far Away

Everything looks perfect from far away.  Come down now.


You may look at my life from a distance and see that it look good, that I have everything in order, but sometimes I feel this is not the case.  I do have some things working out right now, school and work and certs and shoulder recovery.  Yet I'm definitely lacking something, missing something.


I was told for the hundredth time last night that I don't show emotion.  I guess I don't see the reason to get worked up about things that seem fickle and that just create drama.  Then again I was probably getting into a relationship that didn't need to be gotten into.  All well, you lose some too.


I really want to rework this, but here's what I have so far:

Walk Away

Close your eyes so I can turn away.  I won’t glance back.  I’m too afraid.

The repercussions that drive us to that point where all I can do;

Is take the only option out, I have to walk away.

Close the door behind me and bolt it quickly shut;

One more separation to keep me walking away.

Forget me and all my nots.  Slowly fade those memories.

And please close the blinds after I stand by the drive way.

Because if I look back and see you watching me,

I just won’t walk.  I’ll stand there anyway.

8/24/2010

Deja Who?

My surgery went well, apparently.  It's now been just over a week and no major problems.  I'm supposed to wear some stupid brace, but I opt not to.  I'm also supposed to start physical therapy.  I'm definitely starting to get more motion out of my shoulder.  Although, that could be from other exercises not necessarily pertaining to physical therapy.  Here is a picture of what the surgeon did:

The pen mark is where I have a piece of bone missing resulting from dislocations.


Deja Vu happened to me twice this past week, and I don't think my surgery had anything to do with triggering it. Once was during a conversation with Amber about the strip club Cheetahs.  I'm blanking on the other occasion, but whatever.  I thought, like I do each time it happens, that it was peculiar.  Noteworthy I guess.


I got a few good lines down in my book of poems.  Hopefully I can develop those a little bit.  I'm sure I'll post like I usually do when I get something good.


Saw Coheed and Cambria on Saturday, FUCKING AWESOME show.

Life is less than or equal to Death

Everyone hates bad news.  Hearing that Chris Platz died was definitely bad news.  Everything that I had heard about him seemed so positive: he was figuring out his life, he was living for his son, he did well in school, he was doing something with the Navy.  Rest In Peace Chris.  Maybe you will still find what you were looking for.

How do you follow that up with anything else?  Inception, or as like to call it Contraception, was an outstanding fucking movie.  Seriously awesome.  I am huge about insight and the depths of the mind and what they did in that movie was awesome.  The whole bit where they never had a beginning to any situation was also sweet.  It just jumped right in every time.

I'm not much for reading dreams or what they mean, but I do like the fact that our subconscious can do so much more.  I believe it too.

Poem:  The first bit of this was written in May, but I was able to finish it today.

Impasse Jade

I’m alarmed my muse may have become a siren,

Beautiful inspiration leading me to rocky shores.
Tranquility in her violent temptation.

Jade’s soothing voice has me begging for more.

She has me red lining from third to fourth.

Adrenaline pumping, disrupting the law.

My normalcy is a maze lost in its source.

The muse captivating me through faux pas.

Driven to satisfy all of her wants and needs;

To quench the lust in all she desires.

I am longing to cream or bleed.

Forced to follow and never tire.

I’m alarmed that I am treading on glass

While Jade floats on just out of my reach.

The road has bent toward the scary pass.

My life is draining.  My muse is a leach.

7/18/2010

... Of the Day

Just thinking about it.  I believe you could get cut short on your massage therapy session if you informed them of your massive knot that needs to be rubbed out.  Then again, what if the masseuse did it?

If Only

Pretty monumental events during the end of June. This Communications Exercise is taking up way too much time and at this point I don’t even give a fuck about it. Seriously, the hassles I’m dealing with and the hoops I’m jumping through to get the people in my company what they want that they think they “need” is absurd. Then to top things off Ryan almost dies in a motorcycle accident and all I want to do is be at the hospital until he gets better. Good friends are hard to come by and Mac and Carlson are visiting at least every day. I wish I could be there. I haven’t even seen him conscience yet. Accident Saturday; I find out Saturday night; go to the hospital; stay there until midnight after I worked a 36 hour shift; sleep; go there Sunday; he goes into surgery; he comes out of surgery; we see him while he’s still under; we leave; I go back to the Comm-Ex; surgery Monday or Tuesday (I’m mixing days together); recovery Tuesday; He’s somewhat conscience and moving around a bit; and here I am still at the Comm-Ex doing just about nothing.



If only I could be out of the Marine Corps, do what I do at a job, and then I wouldn’t have restrictions that limit me from visiting my friends. If only.


iPhone 4 – I don’t care any more. Are you going to release e-mails to the world like the iPad did?


632 days left of Active Duty Service.

In Between Happenings

So I'm still working on the poem that I've been working on for some time now.  I think I may have to break parts of it apart and do other things with them, but that happens.  In the process of writing I went back and was looking for a poem where I used the line "held back by the serifs caught on my tongue."  That line took a lot of effort.  I think I can really rotate the entire poem around that line.  I really want to revisit this poem, Busted Afternoons.  I have liked Subdue the Rain for a long time now, but Busted Afternoons really shows emotion.


Current Poem in Progress:  dealing with my muse.  I have had quite a bit of inspiration to guide my poetry, and I definitely have grown from the ugh, just thinking about it makes my soul hurt, things I used to write like "Sippy Liquey."  Yeah, that was a bad one.  I moved on to write some better things, and I.... words, something, yep I lost it.


Get It Faster - Jimmy Eat World


Pretty cool video cover: Paramore doing a cover of Use Somebody - Kings of Leon


Back to current.  How do you explain pain and spiraling effects and edging on disaster?
Sing in me, Muse, and through me tell the story
of that man skilled in all ways of contending,
the wanderer, harried for years on end


Portraying this has been difficult and most of the reason this poem is not done.  I'm going to work on it today and see what happens.

Whoa Black Betty dah deh dah

At the moment, I am a wee bit hungover and VERY scatter-brained.

I'm set to go to Yuma, Arizona tomorrow for a couple days to see how my buddies in Bravo have been running their network.  Then we can see what we need to emulate for our impending operation.

I got pissed off at one of my sergeants last week and proceeded to yell at him in front of everyone.  I could have been written up immediately for that and lost my rank.  Kind of out of character for me, but he really pissed me off.

Song: Scream with Me - Mudvayne

I've been in a writing and drawing mood lately.  I drew three, one panel, comics last week.  Decently funny.  I want to write, but I'm just not sure where to start.  No lines are hitting me yet.  Expect to see "jade" for a while.

I have been loving my latest phone.  Let me check here.  First phone was a Motorola flip that I dropped down a flight of stairs and it still worked (Rob also had the same phone).  I may need to edit this later, forgetting.  I know I had the RZRv3 flip.  I think that was next.  Then the LG Chocolate slide.  Then the LG Versa.  And now the HTC Eris, which is a droid.  The new app I just got was a countdown timer.  Yep, I put my EAS on that baby.

EAS - 693 days.  99 weeks left.  A little under 2 years.

I bought a 2003 Mini Cooper on March 30.  I have been loving driving that car.  I named her Black Betty.

That's all I really have for now.