All Encompassingly

Lately it has been hectic as fuck.  I haven't had much time to myself.  I work, do homework, get maybe an hour here or there in for video games, and then am working on the comic with Evan.  That's going well though, we have 55 comics already and haven't missed an update day yet (soon to fail I'm sure).  I got trashed a few nights ago with Hamilton and we ended up staying up until 5am discussing life, attempting to watch a movie of some sort (with me constantly pausing it like I am prone to do when intoxicated), and I asked him to review some of my writing since he's a critical mother fucker.  As a result he pointed out that I have problems in some of what I consider "finished poems."  I thought Subdue the Rain was not only good, but I was thinking it was along the lines of one of my better poems in the 2007 - 2009 range.  He then and goes, "yeah that makes no sense" about one of the lines (that no one else wanted to critique me on) and then I decided I needed to change it.  So here is Subdue the Rain fixed:

Subdue the Rain

I couldn’t see you through the misty morning.

I could’ve sworn you’d be here when I woke up.

I guess I’ll wait for you ‘til evening,

On the back porch drinking from my cup.

The gravel driveway doesn’t crunch,

From the tires of your car.

The wind mimics your voice,

Saying my name from afar.

But it’s mostly this weather that’s keeping me down.

The fog that’s been rolling through,

Turned to a thunderstorm and it’s pouring,

And now that rain just won’t subdue.

That screen door still hasn’t opened.

I’ve been sitting all evening.

Putting to ash my last cigarette,

And it just won’t stop raining.

There’s no note of where you’re going,

Or when you might be back.

But the stars are all out now,

And I’m just going to hit the sack.

But it’s mostly this weather that’s keeping me down.

The fog that’s been rolling through,

Turned to a thunderstorm and it’s pouring,

And now that rain just won’t subdue.

Maybe you’ll sneak back in

Sometime late in the night.

I’ll try to keep on dreaming,

Hoping that you might.

3/14/2007

The first change is the "front porch" to the "back porch."  This places me farther away from where most people associate a driveway and therefore I can be more distant from the return of the lost love.  The second change is in the second verse.  It used to say:

The gravel driveway doesn’t crunch,
From the tires of your car.
I haven’t heard your voice in hours,
Saying my name from afar.

Three songs on repeat: Lucky Boys Confusion - Cigarette; Built to Spill - Car; Middle Class Rut - New Low.

I was on duty and the guy standing post with me decided to watch a conspiracy theory movie about 9/11.  I'm not much of one for that shit, but it is sometimes interesting.  The biggest thing that watching the movie provoked out of me was the stupid things that politicians do.  I think that every politician is corrupt because each one wants someone to like them, that's the only way to get elected, and then they run the country into the ground as a result.  Don't believe me?  Look at the increase in debt.  How does a country owe itself money?  That's like owing yourself money.  You can't do it.  Bail outs are a joke, and in general I think the whole thing needs to be redesigned.  The following is my summary of that (first draft):

New Indoctrination

I can’t seem to wrap my head around politicians.

The ways they perceive the world we live in.

Claiming to act in the best of interests,

And the equality we declare through feminists.

Each election I vote for the lesser of two evils:

Which one is worse, the devil or the sequel.

The times when the country is in a recession

A war is decided for which we seem destined.

Separation of church and state and legislation,

Yet with executive branch defining civil unions.

Who declares a time for organization

To provide an integrity check foundation.

It’s about time to correct structuralization

And begin a new indoctrination.

January 15, 2011

And finally, I was sorta part of a small family for like two or three months that comprised of, Jeff Dobbins, his wife Erin Dobbins, his sister Amber Dobbins, their friend Ashley Wright, and Daryl DesPault.  We were hanging out almost on a daily basis.  The whole thing kinda fell apart.  As a result came this poem which I wrote for Ashley:

Waiting

I was tossing and turning, it’s a quarter past two.

I can’t fall asleep, I wanted to message you.

But it’s late so I’ll leave you alone.

So I’ll write this down inside my phone.

When we do speak it’s discrete.

Something is making us incomplete.

Then again, I’ve been known to over-analyze.

My subconscious feeding me lies.

Oh well, I’ll be here if you ever return.

Remembering when we used to burn;

Having conversations that would never end.

Waiting for love, and waiting as a friend.

December 21, 2010

I have one more poem that, looking back, I haven't posted.  So here's that.

Holding Tight

Darling, slide the screen door shut on your way back inside.

Inside the apartment where I am your everything.

Everything makes so much sense with you holding me tight.

Tight shoelaces tied when I run so far after you.

You keep moving farther while I lose sight and stumble.

Stumble and fall behind in the darkness where I call your name.

Your name is a whisper from my lips that means the world.

The world is nothing we couldn’t tackle and beat together.

Together sitting holding tight in the apartment on my last night.

Night time comes with dreams of you, but I am lost.

Lost is my only emotion unless Jade is near.

Near enough to deviate from ever truly knowing you.

12/8/2010


Heh, that's actually pretty cool how I wrote that with the redundancy between the last word and the first word of the next line.  Clever me.