A Good Vacation on a 24th Birthday

So, just for fun the Marine Corps has decided to give me three HIV tests this year.  Yes, it is the middle of June and I have already had three.  The first was for our Bahrain deployment... which still hasn't happened yet.  The second one was for the same deployment because they misplaced my first one and didn't have the results.  The third one is for my separation final physical.  Can we take the results from the one I just took two months ago?  Is this really necessary?


In other news:  I had an awesome time home for my 24th birthday.  My only wish was that more pictures could have been taken.  Evan was able to delay / the weather postponed Evan enough so that I was able to see him for a good chunk of my leave.  Between all the people I got to see again: Jake and his family, Evan, his girlfriend Katie (first time meeting), Rob, Mary Katherine, Erin, Kelsey, and whoever else I may be missing; we drank at the WAB (Woodward Avenue Brewery), Dragonmead, Garden Bowl, the Tap Room, people's houses, and even the center of Albion Campus.  Pretty impressive.


The eventful thing about today was my reaction to the possibilty of picking up Sargeant in July.  I knew it was probably going to happen in this next quarter (July - September), so it wasn't a shocker.  The surprising thing was that I care about making that rank.  I'm excited about it.  Mac and Carlson have been Sargeants for a while now, and I will be among them is what I can reason is why I am so excited.  I for sure do not like the Corps any more.  I am fully ready to get out and definitely not about to give any more time or effort than I currently have been into the job.  However, there is something... something that has caught my attention and made me excited.  Then again, that could be the girl that Mac has had me talking to for the past week.  who knows?

Tweaks

Watching Adjustment Bureau made me laugh about the politcal / dance implications with the relationship background.  It was like looking into a past relationship and getting slapped in the face.  Thanks world.

I'm definitely still writing.  I don't stop, I just don't have anything tweaked just right to put into a document I want to save.  For example, today I worked on a book that I'm determined to finish.  All I did was tweak the writing, no additional chapters or anything.


While laying back I got a flow of lines in my head.  I grabbed my book of poems and wrote the lines down.  From one thought I gathered some feelings about alcohol.  Reasons why I will probably indulge in marijuana again when it's not forbidden to use to the extent it is now.  I re-read what I wrote tonight, and it might explain why I drank a half a handle of whiskey this weekend, keeping a buzz throughout most of the weekend.  What I wrote goes like this:

Access to marijuana without repercussions is not worthwhile.  Therefore I turn to alcohol, which slows the brain from constantly thinking of the hypothetical, imagining the options, and looping the memories.  Alcohol eases the tension, loosens the tongue so that addled, riddled minds forget their place and speak freely.  Alcohol brings sleep, though not restful sleep, still sleep to those of us who toss and turn and cannot close heavy eyelids.  Alcohol prevents addled minds from driving us insane from not only lack of sleep, but the constant process thinking.

I do not know firsthand the effects of other drugs, worse than alcohol or marijuana.  But I do understand the stresses of life that leads us to relieving our minds of their unending processing.  I do not seek counsel, and do plan to slow my constantly thinking mind down.  Therefore, instead of making an ass of myself functioning "just fine", I can do the same thing from the effects of the drug.

5/10/2011

Anyway, besides searching for more and more music, I've been trying to expand out from my lifestyle.  I've been in a rut for almost two years now.  A rut I put myself into.  Sweet move Matt.  Tweak my lifestyle time.  Go!

Music

I've been listening to some good music lately.  Inspiration is almost there for a poem, I have some lines written down.  Anyway, wanted to get down the songs I have stuck in my head.


The Pixies - Where is my mind?
Bright Eyes - It's cool we can still be friends
The Decemberists - On the bus mall
Fountains of Wayne - Sink to the bottom
Bright Eyes - First day of my life
Lucky Boys Confusion - Anything, anything (I'll give you) [cover of Dramarama]
Thrice - Artist in the ambulance


The latest poem I wrote, (not counting the ones I have to tweak and get a few more lines for).

Confusion in My Mind

My head is caught in a slip stream

Or some sort of alternate reality.

Jaded paranoia haunts my sleep

And anxieties the rest of the day.

Every hour is the bane of my existence

Or clearly misery is my only business.

I lost sight on what you wanted from me,

And everything that once really mattered.

Now I must be closing faster on -

What was that? Maybe the darkness,

I can’t remember, and I forget,

And redundancy is a constant reminder.

I blame only you for your insanity,

And I blame you for the voices in my head.

My time is short before the walls collapse.

So return to me everything I ever wanted;

Starting with my mind.

Pixies have my mind.

I want to give back, to something that happens

To not exist, or was it ever really there?

I blame you for what you put me through,

And I blame your for my insanity.

February 14, 2011

There are a few songs you might be able to catch in this poem.  I mean, one is obvious.  Just happens to be the way I'm writing or something.  I'm unsure how I feel about continuing with the Jade / muse.  I know the muse concept won't leave me.

I'm getting excited to go home.  Since Bahrain is a shit-show and just not happening I'm jumping through hoops it feels like to get my life back on track.  Ugh, another time.

All Encompassingly

Lately it has been hectic as fuck.  I haven't had much time to myself.  I work, do homework, get maybe an hour here or there in for video games, and then am working on the comic with Evan.  That's going well though, we have 55 comics already and haven't missed an update day yet (soon to fail I'm sure).  I got trashed a few nights ago with Hamilton and we ended up staying up until 5am discussing life, attempting to watch a movie of some sort (with me constantly pausing it like I am prone to do when intoxicated), and I asked him to review some of my writing since he's a critical mother fucker.  As a result he pointed out that I have problems in some of what I consider "finished poems."  I thought Subdue the Rain was not only good, but I was thinking it was along the lines of one of my better poems in the 2007 - 2009 range.  He then and goes, "yeah that makes no sense" about one of the lines (that no one else wanted to critique me on) and then I decided I needed to change it.  So here is Subdue the Rain fixed:

Subdue the Rain

I couldn’t see you through the misty morning.

I could’ve sworn you’d be here when I woke up.

I guess I’ll wait for you ‘til evening,

On the back porch drinking from my cup.

The gravel driveway doesn’t crunch,

From the tires of your car.

The wind mimics your voice,

Saying my name from afar.

But it’s mostly this weather that’s keeping me down.

The fog that’s been rolling through,

Turned to a thunderstorm and it’s pouring,

And now that rain just won’t subdue.

That screen door still hasn’t opened.

I’ve been sitting all evening.

Putting to ash my last cigarette,

And it just won’t stop raining.

There’s no note of where you’re going,

Or when you might be back.

But the stars are all out now,

And I’m just going to hit the sack.

But it’s mostly this weather that’s keeping me down.

The fog that’s been rolling through,

Turned to a thunderstorm and it’s pouring,

And now that rain just won’t subdue.

Maybe you’ll sneak back in

Sometime late in the night.

I’ll try to keep on dreaming,

Hoping that you might.

3/14/2007

The first change is the "front porch" to the "back porch."  This places me farther away from where most people associate a driveway and therefore I can be more distant from the return of the lost love.  The second change is in the second verse.  It used to say:

The gravel driveway doesn’t crunch,
From the tires of your car.
I haven’t heard your voice in hours,
Saying my name from afar.

Three songs on repeat: Lucky Boys Confusion - Cigarette; Built to Spill - Car; Middle Class Rut - New Low.

I was on duty and the guy standing post with me decided to watch a conspiracy theory movie about 9/11.  I'm not much of one for that shit, but it is sometimes interesting.  The biggest thing that watching the movie provoked out of me was the stupid things that politicians do.  I think that every politician is corrupt because each one wants someone to like them, that's the only way to get elected, and then they run the country into the ground as a result.  Don't believe me?  Look at the increase in debt.  How does a country owe itself money?  That's like owing yourself money.  You can't do it.  Bail outs are a joke, and in general I think the whole thing needs to be redesigned.  The following is my summary of that (first draft):

New Indoctrination

I can’t seem to wrap my head around politicians.

The ways they perceive the world we live in.

Claiming to act in the best of interests,

And the equality we declare through feminists.

Each election I vote for the lesser of two evils:

Which one is worse, the devil or the sequel.

The times when the country is in a recession

A war is decided for which we seem destined.

Separation of church and state and legislation,

Yet with executive branch defining civil unions.

Who declares a time for organization

To provide an integrity check foundation.

It’s about time to correct structuralization

And begin a new indoctrination.

January 15, 2011

And finally, I was sorta part of a small family for like two or three months that comprised of, Jeff Dobbins, his wife Erin Dobbins, his sister Amber Dobbins, their friend Ashley Wright, and Daryl DesPault.  We were hanging out almost on a daily basis.  The whole thing kinda fell apart.  As a result came this poem which I wrote for Ashley:

Waiting

I was tossing and turning, it’s a quarter past two.

I can’t fall asleep, I wanted to message you.

But it’s late so I’ll leave you alone.

So I’ll write this down inside my phone.

When we do speak it’s discrete.

Something is making us incomplete.

Then again, I’ve been known to over-analyze.

My subconscious feeding me lies.

Oh well, I’ll be here if you ever return.

Remembering when we used to burn;

Having conversations that would never end.

Waiting for love, and waiting as a friend.

December 21, 2010

I have one more poem that, looking back, I haven't posted.  So here's that.

Holding Tight

Darling, slide the screen door shut on your way back inside.

Inside the apartment where I am your everything.

Everything makes so much sense with you holding me tight.

Tight shoelaces tied when I run so far after you.

You keep moving farther while I lose sight and stumble.

Stumble and fall behind in the darkness where I call your name.

Your name is a whisper from my lips that means the world.

The world is nothing we couldn’t tackle and beat together.

Together sitting holding tight in the apartment on my last night.

Night time comes with dreams of you, but I am lost.

Lost is my only emotion unless Jade is near.

Near enough to deviate from ever truly knowing you.

12/8/2010


Heh, that's actually pretty cool how I wrote that with the redundancy between the last word and the first word of the next line.  Clever me.