Mood: Tempid (Interesting, Tempid has a red line under it. Apparently blogspot doesn't recognize the variation of tepid in a fashion sense) (double note, blogspot has a red line under it too. Apparently blogspot doesn't recognize it's own name)
I want to post the lyrics I wrote for the Night Angel Trilogy. This is part 1.
The Way of Shadows
A world bound to turmoil and evil
Can only be kept by the best who can kill
Through trial and error the boy will learn
On this path he will be forced to be Stern
Crippled by pain, destroyed by the fear
Cursed by the knowing that he would appear
Swift through the night, the wetboy will run
The deader, the person, and the deed is done
Immortality's curse and judgment's blade
Cloaked in grays, a death to be paid
Life's cruel joke, his father must die
That he may live on, retribution at his side
As he walks through the night
He feels so alone
He's taken his father's life
He's now dead and gone
09/26/2009
Song of the Moment: Cage the Elephant - Ain't No Rest for the Wicked
Something I thought was really cool was a "about me" I put into my facebook and I have still not taken out. I like to have this impression where if someone reads it they think that I am quoting someone and then they can never find the quote. It goes:
Drove to the edge of reality, the thin line that reads us all. The fate and well being. The karma that flows like the sands of time. I kicked a rock over the edge and watched it fall. Turned around and drove back to the insanity. And there I'll stay.
I actually based a poem off of this exact paragraph. I'm weird like that I guess?
Jake: My brother. He got back to me after sending him an email of a lot of my latest poetry. He really likes what I have written, I must be doing something right, and he thinks I should really continue the Jenna and Jimmy poems. Yeah... I'll get right on that, too bad a lot of that inspiration is gone now. It is nice to be appreciated though. I really don't share my poetry that much and I guess putting online is almost an outlet for that, even though no one knows about this blog.
Masturbating... coming. Which ever. That point where you have complete and utter focus on yourself and all of the world's problems are non-existent. I don't care whether you are rubbing one out for stress relieve or because you have some person on your mind or you're having that careless fuck where you have no cares in the world. The point is that you are in zen, in nirvana, in teen spirit... I mean, you're not caring for anything else. There is something important about that point. It brings the world full-circle. The meaning of life becomes that much closer to understanding.
On the other hand, I don't know about you, but on the night where I relieve myself from stress with a self-quickie and the hope to fall asleep promptly, I often run into the restless sleep where I roll around and for some reason my hormones decide to act up and keep me ready, awake, and... well firm. So I toss and turn and try and focus on Rosie O'Donnell to calm my nerves and finally fall asleep. However, then you realize that you are trying to fall asleep to the image of Rosie O'Donnell and that just makes you more aware to the situation that she is the last on on your mind and that whole situation and how bad that is. That's when you toss and turn more. By that point you're, or I'm, not hard any more, but I can't fall asleep due to horror. So what's the solution at that point?
I may be drunk, but this whole post is what I thought of last night when I was contemplating this whole situation after Rosie O'Donnell. It needed to be said.
Maybe tonight the quickie will end in sleep instead of horror.
Want to excite and impress someone? Try another person. Life is Pandemonium.
Something to read: The Night Angel Trilogy by Brent Weeks. It was awesome. I think in a month I was able to get my hands on all three and read them. In respect, the band (see below) is working on a song. Guess who gets to work the lyrics, this guy.
I leave for Washington D.C. on Thursday. Anticipation is building, anxiety is present and of course my stupidity is there causing Meghan to be upset at me multiple nights in a row. She thinks my actions are my anxiousness, and I can only agree. I am bad at reading my own emotions sometimes. Now is one of them.
Something new I have been working on:
Run
Where do you run with their eyes upon you?
Among the fools, creeps and ghouls.
Soul searching in the dirty streets.
Where do you cry when no one is watching?
Alone in the dark, forgotten by all.
Tears streaming, lost in the corner.
Your screams wake the dead,
Haunt the derelicts of dawn.
Crawling through the blood
Of those fallen around you.
How can you laugh in the face of danger?
Steady with determination and confidence.
Leading all others with courage.
How can you crush anxiety and despair?
Inspiring love and instilling esteem.
Head held high, standing on the forefront.
08/30/2009
Hope you enjoy.
The Band: A group of guys from work, Jeff Dobbins (drummer), Daryl DesPault(guitarist), Tyler Elliott (guitarist) started a band, Fear of Knowing, and have been working to create a good metal sound. They asked that I play a little keyboard for them and I have indulged. The looks have a bassist on the way. The sound is pretty good.
Life can be pandemonium and today has me looking to the past to settle me. I took an hour break in the day to look at old photos. Times where I did stupider things and upset more girls. These must be super powers in my arsenal.
Do something cool, solve a rubix cube and every night leave it scrambled for the next day. Life is pandemonium.
I don't have much for the moment, but that seems to happen to me often. Regardless I'll post what I do have.
Hott: This may be the hottest sex scene in a movie (that I can recall). Is it just me or do the characters in this movie always have wet hair?
Poetry:
In That Moment
Determined to have you I would not stray
Like so many others who give up in trial.
Crushed dreams and broken heart could not deter
Me from the calling and belonging to you.
The ball and chain of my life is heavy
A burden, the loneliness, from which I yearn to be free.
Cradling your head in my lap is a dream,
A moment I long to achieve.
Simple thoughts trouble and confuse me.
Creative images I drift off to
Leave me alone in the morning,
Rolling over and clutching only air.
Desperation isn’t my best cologne.
Crying isn’t the smile you want to see.
Confidence is what I want to have.
To have and to hold is what I want.
To care and to love is what I need.
The girl that is you, to be with me.
08/08/2009
It probably needs a little revision. I feel that some parts of it don't make perfect sense or flow properly, but oh well.
Thought: If I were ever to be recorded having sex I wish it wouldn't be gross or pron like. I would prefer it to be more like Underworld.
Yep, that's it.
Duct tape is the fix it for it all, but if I wrap my life in duct tape I think I'd just be isolated that much more. Weird.
Stress: I think I have two stressed out modes
1. I flip out and can't handle anything and everything just seems to be going wrong.
2. I appear to be fine, but deep down I'm messed up. There is a lot on my plate and I can't handle it, but as far as anyone is concerned I'm fine.
The latter. I think that's me right now. Stressed out and no one knows. Not that that is a bad thing. I'm not sure I want people knowing, but that doesn't mean it isn't stressful. I guess that's why I'm mentioning it now. My brother's wedding is coming up and for the past few months I've been doing everything I could to save money. Then I had a couple of visits: Meghan, followed by Evan and Rob, and I may have spent too much. And for the past two weeks I've been playing the counting game (well it costs this much for this, I need to buy this, I need to pay for this and I'm only going to have this amount coming to me on the 15th). Fuck. I literally spaced out for a half hour at work on Friday and contemplated how I was going to be financially.
Funny things: Apparently I caught the sun really well with my chevrons on my uniform on Friday and a kid I know saluted me because he thought I was an officer. Ha. We both got a good laugh as soon as he got closer and recognized me.
Hope: This fall is exciting. First, Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2. Second, Assassin's Creed II. As for Halo. I think I'm done. Maybe Reach, but as for ODST... umm, I pass. It looks too much like a game for a thirteen year old. Perhaps all the Halos looked like that. Regardless, I'm not thirteen anymore. Third, Splinter Cell. I've been wanting to play another Splinter Cell for a long time. I really hope you can be as stealth as before. If this comes out... I may need to buy a steering wheel and foot pedal set.
Lookout Now: Call of Duty clan. Bryan McAdams, Ryan Miller, Rob Keith, Evan Feringa, some more names here, and I are working up our DEAD clan. I'm hoping we can start playing some gamebattles games soon.
Writing: My last bits of writing have seriously been a four liner and a two liner. The two liner I think I have more, yeah, but it isn't written. I fail.
That's all for now. Don't make a left at Albuquerque unless you are heading West and want to go south.
Two for now. First one was drawn after watching Clerks II and during the Red Wings game. Second one was drawn just now.
That's all I really have for right now. I'm sick and tired and this week has just been wearing me out. Oh yeah, and my Xbox decided that it didn't love me anymore and decided to red ring. Dealing with that currently.
So here I am in the bathroom. I turn on the water to the sink, and it feels like my phone vibrates in my pocket, so I reach in and pull the cellular device out. "Oh no," says my mind as I lose control and my one-year-old LG Chocolate v2 falls into the sink which has accumulated a decent amount of water. The phone begins vibrating immediately and stops all other functions. I remove the battery. Anytime I replace the battery it refuses to turn the phone on, but continues vibrating violently. Fuck. I go to the Verizon store. No insurance so I have to pay out of pocket for a new one. "Time for one of dem fancy touch screen phones," I say. Straight up, not going to lie. This phone is pretty badass. Thank you LG for continuing to make awesome phones. The Versa is exactly what I needed to upgrade to.
So that being said, let's move on. Meghan is coming to visit. I'm kinda nervous about that one. Last time we were around each other it was a little awkward. We didn't know how to act, how far to go and ended up just acting couple-y anyway. This should be different, but I'm still unsure about how it will actually go down.
Time for some poem input? Sure, why not. This one is digging back almost six months ago.
What She Says
“Don’t look at me like that,” she said,
“I feel so horrible and guilty.
Lost and trapped, scared and insecure.
Forgive me please, I can’t forget the nights.”
“It’s not your fault,” she says,
“But I can’t be with you.
Believe me I want to be yours.
I fight from calling you ‘baby.’
I struggle each day, not saying ‘you’re mine.’ ”
She cries in the night when she thinks I’m asleep
Her smile is a lie, when she says that she’s happy.
With a tear in her eye, she tells me she loves me.
“You’re the one for me,” she whispers to me.
“Maybe someday, years from now, it’ll work.
I don’t want to lose you; can we be friends?”
And on that day I fell to pieces,
A jigsaw pattern across the floor.
I’ll never be the same, put back together.
I’ll remain missing, behind my walls.
05/11/2009
In other news, my alcohol tolerance is going up. I drank an entire bottle of red wine last night. It was delicious and inexpensive. Definitely worth it.
Wanna Run with Scissors?
Well, that's about all I have for now. Wish this was a little more witty and fun, but ya-know, some things just don't work out how you plan. Enjoy the rest of May. I know I will, Veinte y dos on the 29th.
